Blogged out

Missed yesterday – cardinal blogging sin. Would've posted but too tired to do anything. Staggered home from a gig in my 50p snorkel parka, trudging through the rain, drunk with fatigue (not exactly rock and roll) and typing up a blurb really wasn't appealing. Besides, Graham turned up, so I had far better things to occupy my time.

Yesterday was pretty much a write off anyway, certainly didn't get any college work done. Had a Christmas shopping inspiration to get the kids ski goggles, gloves and thermals for their presents from Lidls, but they'd already completely sold out, even though they'd only come in the day before. Couldn't go in on the Thursday cos of being stuck at Falmouth all day, and then the mad scramble to be at Rosie's thing for 7.30pm. Total pain, as now I'm going to have to come up with some other idea. Really dreading Christmas this year, don't know what we're going to do?!

Modelled for David for 3hrs which is always nice. Must ask him for one of his pictures some time. By the time I got back, starving, grabbed some late lunch, and then the kids were back home. Free time vanished. Their dad phoned to blow out arrangements for him to have the kids, yet again. Same crap excuse as last fortnight – got no electric. How does the man function? I mean, how can you get through life, and be nearly fifty, and be incapable of sorting out paying an electricity bill? The consequence of which is, that you don't get to see your own children. Again. It's nuts, and it's driving me nuts.

Makes me so angry, and wound up, and then that spills out into how I relate to the people around me. Unfortunately, the people around me are the kids, so they end up copping the flack. Lucy threw a wobbly about going to gym again because of her chest – injured last Friday. I went ballistic as she'd been on the Weds and said it was fine; had come home from school telling me how fun football was etc., and then wimps out of gym?

Convinced she was just skiving I gave her hell, sent to her room under a barrage of shouted expletives, and nasty threats. I was so horrible and stressy, I had to remove myself – disappeared off for a swim. Spoke to the gym coach up at the leisure centre whilst I was there to apologise for Lucy's absence for the 3^rd time that week, and to ask whether he thought it might still be a problem. He said, 'yes, probably is still pretty painful'. Well I felt terrible then. Evil wicked witch mother, chastising my child when she really was hurting. Had to beg forgiveness and say sorry, sorry, sorry a thousand times.

Played The Game of Life with her and Billy to try and make up for it, before dashing out the door to run to the Penzance Rugby Club – somebody's 40^th birthday bash (seems to be our speciality lately). Was a good gig though, as everyone there seemed to enjoy it. Arrived as I left, trudging through the rain in my 50p snorkel parka, posting overdue library books through the slot on the way. Rock and roll.

That was yesterday. Am trying to catch up on myself, but I've just got back from working at the Acorn and Graham's come over to keep me company, so can't really tippy-tap the night away. It's quarter past midnight and we've got some serious shagging to do. He was so sweet this morning, took Billy up to gymnastics so that I could lie in bed a bit longer. Lucy came down to join me – cups of tea and Cornishman in bed, bliss. After he'd gone back to his place to unload all the band kit I couldn't avoid the chaos that was the house any longer. Hoovered, laundered and then Heidi came round to rescue me.

Went out for a walk on the moors – Men an Tol, and Ding Dong. Soggy as. Virtually walking in streams in places. Managed to drag all the kids out on a family walk for once which was a rare treat. Only minor squabbling and whinging at times, so not too bad. Eddie refused to wear his wellies as suggested, which proved disasterous of course, me and Heidi taking it in turns to piggy back him through the worst of it. Some very near misses in terms of him ending up in the bog.

Searched half heartedly for mushrooms along the way – found a few stragglers, but nothing worth getting too excited about. Not sure whether it's such a good thing to educate your kids about identifying such things, but they seemed pretty cool about it. Back home for cocoa and biscuits.

Really didn't fancy having to work tonight, Touching the Void, was showing on the telly and have always wanted to see it, but too late to try and get out of it, and need the pennies I guess. Toyed with the idea of going out to club 2K afterwards for the Trojan Sound System night (probably excellent) but far too weary – couldn't be asked. And listening to the music being piped down stairs in the Acorn – the songs of Nick Drake – wasn't exactly energising. Beautiful, haunting stuff, but soporific. Rang home to check up on the kids, and Lucy said that she'd just baked a cake! So much for my 'don't use the cooker' instructions every time I have to go out – safety issue. She'd left the sweetest little note on the table: Here's some cake for you, and enyone(sp) else who wants some, and some orange juice. Sleep well, Lucy.

Bless. Brought a lump to my throat. Anyway, Graham's in the bath, and I need to... move away from the pc. No lie in tomorrow unfortunately.