Tiredy, tiredy mustard

Should really just be collapsing into bed while the going is good, but was so wracked with guilt last night for not having blogged, can't face that kind of angst again. Today has been particularly uninspiring, and I've been particularly emotional, grumpy and down. Struggled to get going this morning – Lucy still vomiting copiously, but thankfully, Billy more or less back to normal now. I kind of pottered a bit, but actually did fuck all.

Billy, being incredibly pro-active for once (he really is growing up at last), invited his mate Joel round, and they went of swimming, whilst Lucy soaked in the bath. I delivered Clint and Chloe's tree to them on the boat – all freshly painted, and toasty warm thanks to the fire, but pretty cramped. Don't think I'd be that thrilled about living on a static boat with two tiny children, under such circumstances. Chloe, tired and in bed, so didn't stay long.

Had several text conversations with members of the band after I'd sent out a message of pissed-off-ed-ness about having missed out on the previous evening's fun. Only adding to my reputation as a moaning minnie no doubt. Oh well, too late now. Think Graham's got the hump with me also, as he's not responded to my messages since.

Fretted all day; wanting to be out doing something, and feeling trapped/stuck indoors. Cycled over to Newlyn to Badcocks gallery. Officially have a flyer for the New Year's eve Masked Ball being organised by Mimi and Lynne now. Think I'll probably go as it will be nice to catch up with a load of my friends I hardly ever see, including Tim and Vivy, who are coming down from London – last chance to see them before they jet-set off to Australia next month. Doubt Graham will come though, which is a real shame. Means we won't be spending either Xmas or New Year's together (what kind of a crap relationship is that?) sigh.

Pottered about some more when I got back, putting up lights, and stars, and general tidying. House still a cluttered mess mind. Sorted dinner, then nipped out for a much needed swim after Billy's friend went home. Boring doing laps, but sometimes I just have to.

Billy did the dishes, while me and Lucy played a few rounds of backgammon. Then I decided I'd go out to the Arts Club after all. Was extremely crowded, and noisy, but enjoyed chatting to people. Good to talk to Lynne, and later, Chris, when we all ended up walking home. Will be so amazing when I finish this bloody course, and get my life back. Won't have to lose precious sleep by doing this bastard blog for starters. Must sleep.