Humbug

Difficult to escape this Xmas fervour. A pile of cards is mounting up on the table; probably time to string them up on the walls. Lucy, heavily hinting that we need to get a tree sorted. Futile attempts on my behalf to track down mum's new address in Adelaide so I can get a present/season's greetings to her (not that it matters cos I haven't bought her anything yet). Diary stacked full of events next week – carol singing concerts, book club annual do, Funny Feather's jazz Christmas party, Kneehigh Xmas show, Pondlife busking...dinners...dates...it's all too much really.

Kicking myself that I forgot we were meant to be going to Jojo's tonight – they're off to Spain first thing tomorrow morning, and wanted to give us our Xmas presents before they left. Just went clean out of my head; big mistake, not writing it in my diary. Feel terrible though as it was me that suggested coming round in the first place, and at the time, I was at home, plonking away at this wretched keyboard but not actually accomplishing very much. Will have to get up ultra early in the morning now to ferret under Rosie's bed in the present box to see if there's anything suitable I can off-load on them. Think there's some half decent boys toys, but not sure about grown-ups.

Definitely getting me down though, wondering what we're going to do on the day. Felt ridiculously sad when Graham mentioned about his families' secret Santa gift-giving they do each year. Not that I was bothered about that so much, was just jealous of the whole 'family' concept – really miss not being a part of a bigger/extended family, and wished I'd been invited. Will have to try and make the day nice, and special, somehow for the kids, just don't know how I guess.

Back late from a lovely meal at Laura and Richard's. At least I'm part of an established couple then in their eyes. Went to the Star session briefly, my first time, but too tired to appreciate really. Too tired to do this as well. Bed.