Blog off

Yesterday didn't happen. Failed to blog, and so it would seem that the day didn't exist – not documented, so isn't real. Struggling to re-call what did actually take place yesterday? Shopping at Lidl's, vast amounts. Mini domestic blitz. Another last-ever-surf-'til-summer over at Perranuthanoe;

another flounder in the white water with me wondering what the hell I'm doing – call myself a surfer? Hardly. Getting worse and worse every time. Still not as cold as I'd expected, but the car park aftermath is a killer.

Did my 'helpful parent' bit at the Heamoor Xmas fete – taking the money for the kids to see Santa in his grotto. A pound! Bit steep I thought, but all for a good cause I guess; swelling the PTA coffers, subsidising things like future theatre trips/outings etc..so ultimately it does benefit the whole school.

Disappointed not to win anything in the raffle – some good prizes going. I had my eye on the return tickets x2 for a trip to the Scilly Isles, or the leisure centre membership for a month, or even the computer data stick. But as it was, we came away with nothing – not even the lame pack of blank greeting cards, or the box of fruit teabags.

Was still chilled to the bone, and sitting around assisting the official Santa elf didn't help any. Cooked a nice winter warming meal, which Graham came round to share with us before we both headed down to the Acorn – just like old times, with Graham an unofficial helper. I'd got the dates wrong though, and he wasn't meant to be coming in til the following Saturday. Oh well, he blagged his way in, and it was really nice to have him around. Even just having him sat at the bar was nice, nice to look at him. Freshly shaven, always makes me melt – I could've stared all night (I'm getting right soppy in my old age).

Was a strange crowd in, and not nearly as busy as we'd been expecting, which is fine. Stayed behind for a bit of a staff knock-off drink. Was quite a giggle, and ended up offering Beth a bed for the night at mine, cos she couldn't drive home. Really nice to get to know her a bit better but didn't realise it was so late – 3.30am by the time me and Graham climbed into bed.

He's continuing to be incredibly sweet and attentive – for how much longer one's tempted to ask? Makes me feel all gooey snuggling up to him in bed, knowing that he's happy to be there/happy for me to be there. Ok, we got bugger all sleep, but well worth it I think. Sleeping alone can be good too, but especially on these cold, wintry nights, company's the way forward.

So, to today then? Beth had snuck home early, and we dragged ourselves out of bed at half ten for Graham to take Mojo to the vets, have her drainage tubes reviewed – coming out on Monday. Had a phone call from Sarah saying she needed to talk – relationship trauma, and by all accounts, a messy, tangled weave. Damn shame, as lots of really lovely people involved/getting hurt. Not a lot I can do though, wish there was something I could do.

Sarah did come over for a cuppa, and joined us for a social lunch engagement thingy, that was at the house of Graham's land's co-owners. A fellow artist, they had some common ground, at least. Tried too late to organise Rosie a lift with Wendy over to Praa sands to support Lou in her 'Worst Surfer' contest, so of course immediately felt guilty for going ahead and making nice social arrangements for me to do stuff over the weekend, but failing to sort me kids out. Likewise, felt bad about abandoning poor Eddie yet again, (although it turned out, he went off filming some mates body boarding at Porthchapel). Tried to get hold of Lucy to make sure she got where she needed to be today, to get a lift to Carbis Bay for a party. Wasn't answering her phone, so sent a reminder text as well. Later, I picked up a message from her saying that she was locked out the house again. Great. Will really feel bad if she missed the party. Hope Billy didn't miss going to nippers as well.

Terrible, here I am, the first weekend off with the kids at Terry's and not my responsibility, and all I've been doing is fretting about them – crazy. Should be able to relax, switch off. But just can't. Maybe I'm not such a bad mother after all?

Been nice to spend some time with Graham. He's just popped back to his to feed Mojo and pick up her medicine, before we head off to the next event – Ed's birthday dinner at Carn Brea. Having stuffed myself stupid at this buffet lunch party today, feel as if I couldn't face food ever again. Insisted we went for a brief walk in the latter part of the afternoon too – partly for the fresh air, needed to wake up a bit, but also an attempt to shift some of the stodge in my belly! (Swear my stomach's shrunk – sure I used to be able to eat way more than that and not suffer after).

Will have to do my best tonight, impolite not to eat, and besides, am paying for it. Ordinarily I'd be dead excited about the prospect of heading off to a castle/folly little restaurant; not having to worry about drinking because we're all sleeping over. A mini adventure. But I'm feeling so sluggish, so sleepy, really can't be asked. Hopefully will snap out of it when we get there – that first glass of wine's bound to do the trick. Better rustle up a birthday card before we go – hope he likes the croquet set. Not your standard 30^th birthday present I know, but something that we as kids used to love playing. And when he and Heidi have their business up and running, lots of land, smooth green lawns etc.. will be ideal.

Time to hit the road now. Party here we come!