Life

Just wobbled home from after-work drinks at the Studio Bar to be greeted by slugs in the kitchen (three, which were duly dispatched by scooping them into an empty strawberry dessert sachet – the powdery kind, 29p from Lidls) and a text from Beth. She'd collared me at the swimming pool to try and have a chat through 'stuff', but to be honest, I was totally unprepared and felt shaken by the whole confrontational aspect of it. Not that she was nasty or heavy or anything – far from it. Just brought home some painful truths that I really wasn't ready for.

Like...Graham's a complete and utter shallow bastard, who can't be bothered to explain himself, and then expects Beth to do his dirty work for him. That I never meant anything to him. And that I'm an old saddo who might as well face up to the fact that I'm either going to be resorting to quick-fix one night stands for the foreseeable future, or will just fade away into lonely singleton obscurity – neither of which options is particularly palatable around about now!

On a more positive note... I started the first chapter of Under Duress. Yay!!! For the first time ever, it feels as if I might actually be a writer one day. And if nothing comes of this book in terms of publishing deals, I really don't care. My main aim or focus is to just write the bloody thing (which will be hard enough) and at the end of it, I'll be more than happy sending it Lulu.com's way. But given the mortifyingly slow word rate – that day is some time off yet!

Wendy called round just before five – kind of in a bit of a state, but she does have a hell of a lot of things to be dealing with at the moment. Child protection issues with the traveller/gypsy project; Simon having a birthday and blurring the boundaries somewhat; Ian turning up to spend a few days here but talking about moving in permanently; her relationship with her daughter...it's all too much.

She's such a fab friend, I only wish I could do me to be supportive/help. I wish I had more time to give to friends full stop. Soon, hopefully. Only a few short months to go. Hopefully. Hope Wendy can hang on until then. She's such a star.

Eddie's a star too. Working with him tonight was a pure delight. Am so proud of that boy. Even when he's buttering me up to take him surfing at the crack of dawn the next morning, he's still an incredibly charming young man. He'll go far that boy; confident, personable, considerate, cute – ideal qualities and I love him to bits. I love them all to bits. Rosie, party animal extraordinaire. Lucy, Miss independent and all round sports star. Billy, our very own drama queen who's an affectionate, caring wee sensitive soul. Let's face it. I'm so lucky.

Fuck men I have my family. Easter holidays – rock on.